Stegeman - Dr Jekyll & Mr Hyde
Dr. Jekkyl and Mr Hyde
by Spencer Stegeman
10.20.04 -- Here we are at the end of week 6, approaching the Bye week. A time for the players to rest,and for us to lower our blood pressure and pull the 12 gauge from our mouths. Today,we're going to take a look in the schizophrenic mind of Dr. Jekkyl, and Mr. Hyde.
*** Dr. J: Tim Rattay has been looking pretty damn good lately. Last week,he completed 38 of 57 passes for 417 yards, two TDs, and the record for most passes completed in a single game. This week he completed 18 of 28 for 286 yards, and two TDs.
*** Mr. H: Whoopty shit, he tore up the Cardinals and played well in the first half against the Jets. Better get our rings fitted for the Super Bowl.
*** Dr J: We started the year with an extremely underrated team,with some players that no one knew anything about,or how to plan against.
*** Mr H: And they're doing a great job on the bench! I haven't seen this many injuries since my visit to the leper colony. Oh, how is our first round pick Rashaun Woods doing this year? I hear he's doing great. In fact I heard that last week,while on the sidelines,he completed a one thousand piece puzzle. Its a good thing we picked him up, because Conway's arthritis has been acting up and he just put those pieces down like he used to. Don't get me wrong, Curtis Conway has made some plays for us this year. But lets get real, he's like 97 years old. I understand respecting the elderly and all, but maybe we should brace for the future? Just a thought.
*** Dr J: Besides the Seahawks game,we've been competitive in every game. Barring a few mistakes, we should be 5-1 or 4-2.
*** Mr H: In that parallel reality, we are a great team,but in this one, we cant play a whole game. Sure,its exciting to score a billion points in the fourth quarter,but it wouldn't be necessary if the team would play the whole game. I feel like Im watching the worst street hustlers on earth. Like they purposely fall behind while looking pathetic,so that they can come back and win big...but they cant win. Maybe if Dennis Erickson could shake the hangover from doing keg stands at 3am that morning, he could put together a good game plan.
*** Dr J: Hey,that isn't fair. Dennis is a good coach. Because of injury our team is decimated, and are still playing pretty well - all things considered.
*** Mr H: Maybe you haven't been paying attention. Dennis Erickson is as lack luster as the crusted vomit on his shirt. Pope John Paul III has more life...at least he can lift his wrinkled Slim Jim beef jerky stick of an arm. The last time he wrote up a good offensive scheme, it was to run naked through taco bell while screaming "Chilito!" Our players(even the backups) have played pretty well,and it is clear to me that they are being held back by terrible coaching. Its a good thing we let Mooch go, I kind of like the thrill of being on the verge of suicide every week.
*** Dr. J: What about Kevan Barlow? He's gonna be a hell of a back for years to come.
*** Mr H: Yeah, he's efficient in the way a crash test dummy is effective when hitting a wall. It teaches you how not to run your car/offense.
*** Dr J: Well,at least we have Terry Donahue to help us make decisions for the next 5 years.
*** Mr. H: I hate you. The point Im trying to make here is that there are always two ways to look at an issue. Sure,it's easy to hang your head low and be a bitter asshole. But guess what? No one likes an asshole(no,not even Jeff Garcia,so stop with the redundant gay jokes). So put your rosey glasses back on and lets be the homers that our team needs. Remember: the word "fan" is derived from fanatic. So if you're anything short of batshit insane,you are doing your team a great disservice.
RIP Christopher Reeve
1952-2004
by Spencer Stegeman
10.20.04 -- Here we are at the end of week 6, approaching the Bye week. A time for the players to rest,and for us to lower our blood pressure and pull the 12 gauge from our mouths. Today,we're going to take a look in the schizophrenic mind of Dr. Jekkyl, and Mr. Hyde.
*** Dr. J: Tim Rattay has been looking pretty damn good lately. Last week,he completed 38 of 57 passes for 417 yards, two TDs, and the record for most passes completed in a single game. This week he completed 18 of 28 for 286 yards, and two TDs.
*** Mr. H: Whoopty shit, he tore up the Cardinals and played well in the first half against the Jets. Better get our rings fitted for the Super Bowl.
*** Dr J: We started the year with an extremely underrated team,with some players that no one knew anything about,or how to plan against.
*** Mr H: And they're doing a great job on the bench! I haven't seen this many injuries since my visit to the leper colony. Oh, how is our first round pick Rashaun Woods doing this year? I hear he's doing great. In fact I heard that last week,while on the sidelines,he completed a one thousand piece puzzle. Its a good thing we picked him up, because Conway's arthritis has been acting up and he just put those pieces down like he used to. Don't get me wrong, Curtis Conway has made some plays for us this year. But lets get real, he's like 97 years old. I understand respecting the elderly and all, but maybe we should brace for the future? Just a thought.
*** Dr J: Besides the Seahawks game,we've been competitive in every game. Barring a few mistakes, we should be 5-1 or 4-2.
*** Mr H: In that parallel reality, we are a great team,but in this one, we cant play a whole game. Sure,its exciting to score a billion points in the fourth quarter,but it wouldn't be necessary if the team would play the whole game. I feel like Im watching the worst street hustlers on earth. Like they purposely fall behind while looking pathetic,so that they can come back and win big...but they cant win. Maybe if Dennis Erickson could shake the hangover from doing keg stands at 3am that morning, he could put together a good game plan.
*** Dr J: Hey,that isn't fair. Dennis is a good coach. Because of injury our team is decimated, and are still playing pretty well - all things considered.
*** Mr H: Maybe you haven't been paying attention. Dennis Erickson is as lack luster as the crusted vomit on his shirt. Pope John Paul III has more life...at least he can lift his wrinkled Slim Jim beef jerky stick of an arm. The last time he wrote up a good offensive scheme, it was to run naked through taco bell while screaming "Chilito!" Our players(even the backups) have played pretty well,and it is clear to me that they are being held back by terrible coaching. Its a good thing we let Mooch go, I kind of like the thrill of being on the verge of suicide every week.
*** Dr. J: What about Kevan Barlow? He's gonna be a hell of a back for years to come.
*** Mr H: Yeah, he's efficient in the way a crash test dummy is effective when hitting a wall. It teaches you how not to run your car/offense.
*** Dr J: Well,at least we have Terry Donahue to help us make decisions for the next 5 years.
*** Mr. H: I hate you. The point Im trying to make here is that there are always two ways to look at an issue. Sure,it's easy to hang your head low and be a bitter asshole. But guess what? No one likes an asshole(no,not even Jeff Garcia,so stop with the redundant gay jokes). So put your rosey glasses back on and lets be the homers that our team needs. Remember: the word "fan" is derived from fanatic. So if you're anything short of batshit insane,you are doing your team a great disservice.
RIP Christopher Reeve
1952-2004
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